Seek

I knew that my time at Jacob's Well Ministries wasn't going to be easy, but God never said our walk with him would be easy.  He said it would be worth it.  I will never forget my first day of work on the work and worship program.  It was definitely the hardest work I have ever done.  It was scorching hot in the back of the warehouse and tension was high.  It didn't help that Paranoia sat on me and hung out with me like a long lost friend. I had some major trust issues so everyone was my enemy.  I was so scared of the future, yet I was still hanging onto to the hope of the next day.  I sought solace in the Word of God.  I said to myself, "This is a spiritual program, the staff is seeking the Lord, they believe in the Lord, I can believe in the Lord."  I feel like knowledge is power, so the only way I knew to stay sane and get ahead was to submerse myself in what they were teaching me.  The Lord spoke to me time and again and always exactly what I needed at any given moment.  In my constant state of confusion and doubt, I just kept seeking.  

Isaiah 60:19 - The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your Glory.

- God doesn't waste my pain.  It is not my job to figure out His will.  I remember asking "What good is there for me?  What are my blessings?  What am I looking to get out of my past?  Are my wants and desires what is best for me?"  That is deep stuff!!  My wants and desires still sometimes get me all muddled up and confused about my true purpose. 

These next two scriptures that were given to me that day speak for themselves.  I am in awe of how if I just pay attention, the answers are right in front of me, in the living Word!!  It is alive and it saved my life.  I hung onto my chair some days (and still do!) and just said over and over that "God loves ME" and that was the only thing that would get me through another day.  I sometimes didn't even believe it myself, but it was all I had.  Everything else was gone.

Psalm 73:21-28 - When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.  Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.  But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

- AMEN and AMEN!!!

Psalm 107:17-21 - Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.  They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death.  Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.  He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.  Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.

- I brought my trouble upon myself.  I take full ownership of my own distress.  But I have hope.  God's gift of forgiveness is FREE.  My house was torn down and the land was for sale.  There were no more funds for the remodel that should have taken place years ago.  I spent them all on my own selfish desires.  But He offered to mend my broken house, to rebuild the memories there, and to restore the relationships of those who live in my heart. 

Times at Jacob's Well are about to get a little nutty and things from the distant past are soon to come to the surface......then healing WILL TAKE PLACE!!!