The Miracle

So, I couldn't sleep last night because of fear.  Fear is not from God.  Courage is taking one step past fear.  After much prayer and consideration, I AM going to move forward with this calling.  I will "flash back" from time to time to the not so distant past in order to show you what it was like to be pulled out my wreckage and into the loving arms of God.  It wasn't easy and I am so grateful for the men and women of God who took the time and had the patience to spoon feed me the Word that is speaking to me and is more real than anything I have ever experienced in my life.  

It was May 25, 2013.  Two days after my first dad would have been 51 years old.  I was still in bondage and a victim of circumstance and choices. I was alone, my marriage of only 3 short months was coming to an end.  I was broke.  I was scared.  I was living on the street.  I hadn't eaten or slept in days.  And then it happened.  A miracle like no other!!  I was walking down the street to the house I had been staying at, and I fell out from an accidental overdose.  As my body shut down and I stopped breathing I felt more lost than at any other time in my life.  Cars were passing by and not even stopping.  I was completely aware that my body was shutting down and there wasn't a person around who cared.  And the next thing I know, I was walking down the street again.  I felt the gravel in my hair and on my clothes and I couldn't even turn around because I was afraid I would see my own body lying there.  I was a dead woman walking.  I went to the house and sat on the porch and pondered if this was what hell was like.  I waited for the sun to go down, which meant that the world was still turning and I was still alive (by no means of my own).  And then I fell into a deep sleep.  All throughout the night I was vaguely aware of the chaos that surrounded me.  My senses were wide open to the truth of what my life was at that very given moment.  I can imagine the angels that were encamped around me for protection. When the sun began to peek over the trees, I heard the still small voice of my Redeemer calling me to walk.  And walk I did.  I had no idea where I was going, and I had no idea where my sweet husband was, but 5 miles later, I was miraculously at the front door of the place he was staying.  He saw me and hit his knees and cried out to a God I still had yet to know. 

Matthew 1:18-25 – This is how the birth of Jesus and Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

My husband should have left me.  He should have left me to deal with my problems alone.  Just by accepting me that day into his arms, he pledged to God that he would be obedient to His word and keep me safe.  Every single door had been closed to me, but God always offers a way out.  Always.  My husband would have been stuck with the social stigma of who I was, yet he obeyed anyway.  When our decisions affect the lives of others, we must always be willing to seek God's wisdom and follow through, no matter how difficult.  Even though others would disapprove of my husband's decision, he went ahead with what he knew was right.  Jesus came to earth to save me and to save you.  I thank Him every single day for his birth and his death on the cross for my sin.  He has full control of me now and my new life has begun.   I wasn't birthing the Messiah that day, but I was getting ready to birth my salvation through Him!!!

Romans 12:1-3 - Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what Go's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.  For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:  Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

This is for all of us.  Not just me, but for you too!! 

Father, thank You for who You are!  You are God alone!  I had no right to think that I could do this by myself.  Thank you for your Son, Lord.  Thank you for taking on the sins of the whole world by dying on the cross for me.  Come into my life and let me know you!  Help me to be obedient to your Word, God.  Deepen in me Your Spirit so that I may be able to listen more clearly to the voice that leads me into my destiny which is Your purpose and Your will for my life.  Amen.