Change of Allegiance

It's June 2, 2013.  Well,  I made it my first church service at Jacob's Well.  I made it through an entire week of working harder than I have ever worked in my life.  I made it through more emotional pain than I have ever felt.  The cravings for the drugs are still there, the fear is still there, and I can't shake Paranoia to save my life.  What a nuisance.  I have so much to say but I still don't have the courage.  I feel like I am on the verge of a breakthrough but I can't let go.  I feel completely out of place.  Being around a bunch of beautiful women all day is difficult for me.  I am not good at making friends.  I am still judging people.  I am being tormented in my sleep.  And I am exhausted.  But I am still here.  Whew!!!  I went to the altar today to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus.  I didn't know what else to do.  I could hardly form words.  "Redeemed" was playing over the speakers. 

Today, looking back on this, I am reminded of a few verses that really speak to me regarding my allegiance to God.  I used to be a slave to the enemy.  No more.  

Colossians 1:13-14 - For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

I am being transformed from darkness to light, from slavery to freedom, from guilt to forgiveness, and from the power of Satan to the power of God!!!  AMEN!!

Colossians 1:21-23 -  Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.  But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation - if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel.

I was a stranger to my own way of thinking.  I was my own enemy.  Sin was corrupting me and how I thought about God.  It made me hostile to His standards.  HOSTILE!!  There was no way for my sin to be removed and forgiven except through Christ Jesus.  No matter what I had done, or what I was like, God's forgiveness was waiting for me.  I am claiming that I am no longer a slave to sin, but my allegiance is now with the Lord!!

Titus 3:1-7 - Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.  At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.  We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.  But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  he saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by this grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 

Give me some of THAT!!!  Please!  I did not deserve to be where I was.  I was a HOT mess and over the next few months, I would be dealing with some major personality issues of my own that would not be pretty....at all.  But God gives me His grace and mercy every single day!  I am renewed every day.  And as long as my allegiance is with the One who saved me, then I will continue to grow and learn every day!